ridiculous ramblings

The Road Home

2009-03-24T22:41:00.000-07:00

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

I did that from memory. :) It's my favorite poem. And what I love best about it is that Tolkien puts two versions of it into his books. And he only changes one word - "eager" to "weary." Read it again.

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with weary feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

It's different, isn't it? Completely changed. This is always my poem. Sometimes it's one version. And sometimes it's the other. Today it might be both.

I'm tired. Physically, I'm home. I've been sleeping through the nights and today I went to the library and picked up tax forms. Mentally and emotionally though, I think I'm still making my way across the Atlantic. Having Sarah home next Monday will help a lot. Going to the beach yesterday was good. I drove to the beach by myself and screamed all the way through the Tilimook State Forest. How is that place possible?? The beauty of it overwhelmed me. More than St Peter's Basilica in Roma. That's nothing. Nothing compared to the misty trees, those deep wooded hills and the light snow falling on the road. That was epic. That was majesty. That was grandeur. And it's in my state. It's practically in my backyard.

I said I was tired. And I am. I'm already realizing how much more complicated my life here is than what I had in Fulham. Not in a bad way. Just in a people way. There are a lot of people here. People that I love and I loved seeing at Kyle's wedding. If you're reading this and you were there, I hope I communicated how glad I was to see you. If not, please hear it now - I was very glad to see you and I so appreciated your support for our family. We needed it and we were happy to have you there. Even though it was kind of weird to have all of our worlds collide. :)

So I'm home. And the travels are over for now. But the Road goes ever on. That capital R "Road." Sometimes my feet are eager and sometimes they're weary. But they're always moving.

It's a dangerous business, going out of your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.

travelin' through

2009-03-09T06:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Sarah and I rolled into Salzburg on the train and it was not raining. Which was an immediate point in favor of us liking this city. The next few hundred points were delivered emphatically by the beautiful mountains surrounding us on every side. A point or two was taken away for the smoke filling every cafe we wanted to sit it, but overall, we are happy happy happy. I can't help but love a place that puts me within arms' reach of towering peaks and snow-covered hills. Gosh, this place is stunning.

Today we went on "The Sound of Music" tour. That's right. And it was such a good decision. Not least because now I can watch that movie and say, "I've been there! and there! and there! and there!" And probably only you - Daddy - would be able to sit through three hours of me doing that. :) But mostly because it took us out into the lake district which was lovely. And we never would have been able to get out there on our own.

By the way, did you know that Mozart was born here? Because you couldn't walk through Salzburg and stay oblivious to that fact for more than a few minutes. Mozart-worship is everywhere. I like the man well enough, but give me some Mahler and I'll forget Moz-something ever existed. Sacriligious, I know. But I was never a conventional music major.

We just came from Vienna and we have no idea what the city looked like. The wind and rain were so fierce that all we saw was the pavement and the insides of buildings. Can I just say - if I ever have to look at a rendering of the Madonna and Child again, I'm going to hurl. Or Dead Jesus in His mother's arms. I miss Impressionism...

In Vienna, however, we got to go to the symphony. And that lived up to every expectation we had. Debussy, Ravel and some other composer named Zemlinsky. It was gorgeous. Just absolutely divine. The opera, on the other hand, we left at intermission. "What a great experience," we said to one another. "Thank you for not wanting to stay."

Before Vienna was Vernazza in Cinque Terra on the coast of Italy. You'll have to ask me individually about all these places or this update will never end, but this village was classic little Italy. We loved it. We didn't enjoy Firenze as much. It was rainy and grey, but also, we'd just come from glorious Roma, which had completely stolen our hearts and our ability to immediately appreciate any other city. It was sunny there! Sunny and ancient and orange!

So yes. That is the traveling update. After Salzburg is Munich and then Amsterdam, Bruges, and for me - London and home! How quickly the time has gone. I'm anxious to be home, even while being present in the traveling moments - drinking in my surroundings, trying not to inhale too much cigarette smoke, drying out my boots each night, and dreaming of the tea pot which waits for me in Portland.

little mice

2009-02-22T16:00:00.001-08:00

all of you will be grossed out by this, but it's so normal to me that i have stopped caring: we have mice in our flat. you may have known this. we actually did kill one. with a glue trap. and that's when we learned that there was more than one. the other night i was sitting on the couch - quietly - and one actually RAN ACROSS THE FLOOR TOWARDS ME. i gasped and it ran away. which got me thinking.....how often do the mice party uninterrupted in our flat? out in the open? while we sleep? while we work? how many of my things have they crawled upon? which led to this thought: it's time to move back to a house that has no mice. and a dad to kill the ones that do dare to enter our private domain. ha.

i need a cat. a vicious, killer cat.

but for now, it's fine. it is what it is. that phrase, the one i just typed out, "it is what it is" is one that i feel i use rather often. it's part of this characteristic i'm trying to cultivate called long-suffering. of course, this does not mean not standing up for yourself, not questioning authority or even making excuses for why life has not turned out the way that you wished it would. it simply means that sometimes there's nothing you can do. so you just shrug and say, "i'll deal." the mice? i've dealt. and soon i will move and that will be that.

so....moving. always traumatic. and for people like me and like sarah, it is sometimes rough. we are "in the moment" people. so we feel things intensely as they happen. it also means that sometimes we're fine. like tonight. we felt great. we sat around and drank wine and thought about sarah's closet being empty and her tea mug being packed away and we felt ok about it. funny, since we're both having a hard time.

and yet we're not. did i tell you? i have a job this summer? helping run my summer camp. with some of my favorite people in the whole of the world. look at me! using my leadership skills and singing for kiddos.

here's another new thought: i've started calling myself a woman. and my girlfriends women. and the guys are men these days. are we so far along? probably not (say the parents in their heads). but maybe we are. i am paying taxes. and rent. and buying groceries. and planning trips. and getting my own jobs. so strange. but it's all natural, right? it's all part of the process. and no one will grudge me the process. that's my prerogative. days go by whether or not i will them to. and i'm growing up. and deciding what that means for me. and while i might be a baby adult, an adult i'm turning out to be. what kind of adult? a very specific, performing, laughing, tea-drinking, slightly immature and needy, independent womanly single adult.

leaving london. it's healthy. time to leave the comfort zone. i can't move forward from here. so i'm going back. not backwards. always forward. but back to portland. for awhile. back to tilikum. :)

leaving the mice. and the really good, reasonably priced gruyere cheese. :( but also leaving this life that i've built on my own from so very little. it's an accomplishment. i don't think i'll realize or experience all the benefits of it right away. but it was the right thing to do. i'm proud of myself.

pense pense pense

2009-02-01T13:03:00.000-08:00

that is winnie the pooh, for those of you who don't know. in french he is "winnie l'ourson" which means "winnie teddy." and instead of "think, think, think" he says "pense pense pense." i like taking french words and then anglicizing them. for example, "i was pensing the other day..." it's very descriptive of how i am most of the time. just living, traveling and pensing.

since you last heard from me i have been to newquay, edinburgh, york and cardiff. and three of them were beautiful and wonderful. cardiff was a dud. but more on that later.

newquay - the cliffs at the coast. sunshine, new shoes. the ocean. breathing and being. i climbed on a lot of cliffs that new year's weekend. and i sat and breathed in non-city air and watched surfers and listened to non-city sounds and it was good.

edinburgh - i wrote to a friend of mine: "while i loved the city of edinburgh, with its cobblestone, its castle and its 'closes' or alleyways, what i loved most was the high beautiful hill and the strong feel of the earth beneath my boots as i scrambled up the steep slopes and came upon hidden hollows on my way to the edge of the cliff." i hiked that hill twice, once to watch the sunrise and run about with my arms out, catching the scottish wind with my body. it was wild. and then i went and sat in the coffee house where harry potter was born and drank strong coffee and wrote. check out the pictures on the website. they are epic. once you see them you will understand why i visited that coffee house four times in three days - www.elephanthouse.biz

it was truly delightful. mmm....scotland.

next up: york! there is one place in york where you can stand and look about and see seven different buildings built in seven different centuries - 3rd and 4th, 13th and 14th, 18th, 19th, and 20th. it's ridiculous. there's a medieval wall running almost uninterrupted around the entire city and chunks of roman walls left as well. oldness seeps out the ground there. it's thoroughly haunted. :) and i went to an evensong service in the massive "minster". oh choirs....magic.

cardiff. hmm...what to say? basically cardiff (wales) was a big fat nothing. cardiff was ugly, uninteresting, dodgy and full of teenagers purposelessly wandering the streets in packs of similarly dressed friends. i hated it. that's a little extreme. but literally the only redeeming thing about the weekend was the four wonderful phone talks i had with four wonderful friends when i ended up back in my hostel at 6.30 that night with no plans to venture forth again until late the next morning.

and now i'm home with a head cold and a pocketful of cold-eze. london has made me sicker than i've ever been. it is truly stupid. but besides that i'm really really happy. i love the people in my life - here and at home. my journal is filling up with thoughts and my heart is filling up with psalms. i just learned how to write my name in chinese and my roommate made cookies. it snowed tonight and my church continues to be wonderful and beautiful and i am a good waitress.

good good things.

Bitten by the Travel Bug

2008-12-30T11:29:00.000-08:00

well, it's happened. i went to paris. and then i bought some colored pencils and markers and made myself a calendar of the time that i have left here. and it looked quite empty. so i booked myself a solo trip to edinburgh. and it still looked blank. so i decided to book a visit to wales as well. and now i'm on a roll. sarah and i are going to newquay this weekend and to bath in early february and i think i want to see york and some of ireland while i'm here. can i be in england and never pop over to ireland?? i think not.

now, let me break it down for you:

1. paris. oh paris. paris was sarah's and my reward to ourselves for surviving our first christmas without our families. we took the train through the chunnel and settled into our "perfectly adequate" hotel before setting out to see the sights. several things that we immediately noticed - paris is FREEZING and also, paris is dirty. we have a joke that the people in london must eat their rubbish, since the streets are spotless and yet it is impossible to find a litter bin in the tube. literally impossible. they do not exist. in paris there are bags for trash everywhere and yet the city is so much dirtier than london.....they obviously do not eat their trash. :)

2. the weather in paris was gorgeous. sunny and beautiful. we walked along the seine for quite a ways on saturday on our way to the eiffel tower and just soaked in the city. sarah is petrified of heights and yet actually made herself take the stairs all the way to the second level! we saw notre dame, sacré coeur, the latin quarter, and the 2nd best bookstore in the world (after Powells) - Shakespeare & Co. and i got to speak french all weekend long. it was glorious. i love that language. i love speaking it and i love having it around me. i was really happy. :)

3. thankfully, sarah and i discovered that we travel really well together. and we share a mutual love for trains. something that we will indulge for a total of ten hours journeying to newquay and back this weekend.

4. pictures! for those with a love of the visual:

next up! newquay! this weekend sarah and i are jumping on the train for a looooong ride to the england of rolling pastures, stone fences, sheep, grey rain and the seaside. it will be beautiful and relaxing and will give us lots of time to read, journal, and be. it sounds absolutely lovely. prosy, if you will. :)

now to explain my calendar: when i was in switzerland, i drew a calendar of my last month (january), taped it to my closet door and marked off each day. it had two purposes for me - one, it was a countdown until i got to go home and two, it reminded me that i didn't have much time left to be in beautiful switzerland. so, i did that again with january and february. the only problem was, once i made them, they looked awfully blank. so i decided to carpe diem and go somewhere that i really wanted to visit. and here's what happened:

1. i booked myself an overnight bus to edinburgh on the 16th of january and coming back on monday the 19th. i'm so excited to walk the royal mile, lounge about the cafe where jk rowling started writing harry potter, visit the castle and ramble around the streets.

2. then today i booked myself a two day weekend in cardiff, wales. it's supposedly really beautiful there.

3. next on the list is a day trip to bath with sarah and possibly another friend. i'd love to visit york and IRELAND! i really hope those work out too.

i just don't want to go home and realize that i was so close to these places and yet never made the effort to see them. i want to explore and discover and learn and browse about at my own speed. traveling alone sounds more exciting and fulfilling the longer i think about it. :)

4. last but not least, today i found, for a mere five pounds, the book "Europe on a Budget." mmm....i'm deliciously happy.

footnote: this summer i read several books about women traveling solo and it's making me really happy to think that that's going to be me soon. it's funny, one of the reasons i told people that i chose london was that it would be so easy to travel from. and yet! i've hardly gone anywhere! but i think making that calendar was a wake-up call. and i am wide-awake. there's no stopping me now. :)

for my brother

2008-12-04T12:33:00.001-08:00

who wonders why i haven't posted in forever. :) hi.

Mom just left yesterday and I'm in the middle of transitioning back into "away" mode. Moms bring home with them. and so do Luginbills (the friends that were in town over Thanksgiving weekend). so now that they're gone I'm re-shifting to being in London with just me and Sarah. London hasn't been just me and Sarah for quite some time now and honestly, it's nice to simplify things again.

Christmas!! I'm such a Christmas girl. and London is such a Christmas town. which makes being in the holiday mood quite easy. There are lights everywhere and Christmas music in all of the shops. and Bing Crosby is currently telling me that "no matter where you're going, or where you've been, you're part of the family of man." I love that voice. :)

Work is going really well. Since Hayley left I've kind of been thrown into the lead waitress role. We've hired several new wait-staff, so I'm meeting more people and having to help orient them, which I really like doing. Oh Hardy's. I like it and I'll be glad to leave it. :) It's a daily paradox. I should not make waitressing my living. :) But you know? It's fine for now. And I am in a good place there.

So yeah. Having Mom here was so great. I got to be spoiled a little bit and show her my life and my city and my markets and I really liked that. Dad actually flew into town for just a few days and completely took me and Mom by surprise. You can imagine how pleased he was at success of his elaborate plan. Yay family! Anyway, Kyle, you should probably comment on my blog if you're going to complain about me not writing enough. And then I might write more often! Also, I love you a lot and I hope that school is going well. I'm sure I'll talk to you before too long.

And to everyone else - I miss you! But I'm wholeheartedly here. and I will continue to be here, living and breathing and tea-drinking, until it is time to pack up the tea and come home to live wholeheartedly there again. :)

I LIVE!!!

2008-11-09T07:36:00.000-08:00

Right now Sarah and I are sitting at our kitchen table, listening to Rascal Flatts. I just toasted myself a bagel with some lovely crumbly cheese and I think I'm going to heat another pot of tea in a moment. Sarah's having a self-revelatory day, so she's journaling and we're chatting a little from time to time. It is in short, a very prosy afternoon. What is "prosy" you ask? Well technically it means commonplace, everyday, even dull. But I've re-defined it for myself.

prosy: a multi-purpose word meaning deliciously quiet, delightfully commonplace, or wonderfully ordinary. ex: a fall day with a little gray rain and a little sunshine, a quiet stroll, or an evening in with tea and a friend or a book.

Isn't that nice? Anyway, I realized that it's been a long time since some of you have heard from me and I wanted you to know that I'm still alive and well. More than well. I'm happy. But there's not a lot to write about. I'll show you what I mean - Here's a typical day:

7am - Sarah wakes up and I roll over and go back to sleep.

8:45am - I make myself wake up and get ready for work. Yay cereal!

9:30am - I need to be out the door if I'm going to get to work on time.

travel time depends on whether or not there are delays on the Circle Line on the Tube. When there are, I get very annoyed, especially if I am running late. But if I'm not, I just sit back with my music and wait.

10:30am - My lunch shift starts at work. I help set up the restaurant, eat, chat with my co-workers and serve people food until 5:30pm. If I'm working a double I get a break from 3:30pm till 5:30pm and then I do it all over again until about 11pm.

If I've only worked lunch then I travel home where Sarah's making dinner and we just have a quiet evening and then go to bed. If I work a double then I catch the bus home and get to sleep around 1pm because I have to wind down for a little while. I like those late nights where I'm the only one awake. There's someone else near to me, but I can just browse the internet silently or chat with friends before I go to sleep.

See? Quiet. Simple. Prosy.

That's not to say that there aren't crazy, unexpected, frustrating, hilarious, ridiculous moments that fill up my week-days. Because there are. And I love it. I like being here. I like being simple. I like Sarah and I like London. But I miss people in the States, so I'll come home in March. Sound good? :)

Welcome Morning, by Anne Sexton

2008-10-21T16:05:00.000-07:00

There is joy
in all:
in the hair I brush each morning,
in the Cannon towel, newly washed,
that I rub my body with each morning,
in the chapel of eggs I cook
each morning,
in the outcry from the kettle
that heats my coffee
each morning,
in the spoon and the chair
that cry "hello there, Anne"
each morning,
in the godhead of the table
that I set my silver, plate, cup upon
each morning.

All this is God,
right here in my pea-green house
each morning
and I mean,
though often forget,
to give thanks,
to faint down by the kitchen table
in a prayer of rejoicing
as the holy birds at the kitchen window
peck into their marriage of seeds.

So while I think of it,
let me paint a thank-you on my palm
for this God, this laughter of the morning,
lest it go unspoken.

The Joy that isn't shared, I've heard,
dies young.

i've been so struck lately with this idea of painting a thank-you on my palm. it's an image and an idea that will not shake itself loose from my consciousness. so today i'm sharing five things that i'm thankful for, one for each finger extending from my palm:

pinky: i love my big green mug with matching saucer that holds hot tea every single day. i've named it my "love mug" or "mug o' love." :)

ring finger: i'm thankful for a friend that will geek out with me over high school musical, who understands my need to place the blanket just so on the bed and who relaxes in cooking and rejoices in sweeping.

middle finger: i'm thankful for my strong body, which enabled me to walk an hour from church home when i couldn't find a place to buy my bus ticket. and i'm thankful for the opportunity to listen to david gray and feel the crisp fall air redden my cheeks.

first finger: i'm thankful for my family, one that does well with "away" and who will mill about the kitchen table while on skype with me, giving me a taste of home from my own kitchen table.

thumb: for places that are mine. places that make london seem like my home and not just some large soul-less city in which i am lost. i have a couch. a table with flowers. a place to work, to smile and to serve and to learn patience and grace. a church. these roads and buses that are now familiar. and the little corner store that sells me chocolate. :)

So while I think of it,
let me paint a thank-you on my palm
for this God, this laughter of the morning,
lest it go unspoken.

The Joy that isn't shared, I've heard,
dies young.

This is joy. And I'm thankful. so in my own way, I'm painting it on my palm and sharing it.

dofnoaeinapierneit

2008-10-16T08:49:00.000-07:00

yesterday i only had an evening shift, so i met up wth sarah at her lunch time and we bought giant lounge-y sweaters for only five quid each. they are heavenly. they're way too big for us, but that's what makes them so lovely. they're cozy, comfy, "it's fall and i'm sitting on the couch with a blanket drinking tea and reading" sweaters.

so, this is not for sure, but i think i've found a babysitting job! one of dominique's friends brought her three year old by the restaurant last night and when she heard that i had worked with kids and loved them she said that they were looking for someone to babysit about every other week and that if i was free next wednesday she'd love to have me! i really hope this works out. her daughter is precious. we sat on the floor and put on lip gloss and read a book about a guinea pig last night. i think i'm in love. i probably can't count anymore the number of children i've fallen in love with, but that doesn't make it any less sincere this time around.

i've got more exciting things coming up soon, but this is just to let you know that i haven't fallen off the face of the earth. :) love, love, love.

Stories from the Restaurant

2008-10-05T06:24:00.001-07:00

1. During almost every shift I get asked where I'm from. I used to say "The States" but realized that everyone already knew that and were asking where in the states, so now i say, "oregon, just north of california." everyone is so encouraging about what sarah and i are doing. "good for you" they say, "enjoy your time." and then i walk away with a smile on my face. that is, if i haven't been roped into a political discussion. :)

2. besides sarah, i have one real friend in london. hayley is an aussie that works at hardy's with me and who will be leaving october 25th to move to canada. she and i have clicked really wonderfully and i'm already wondering how i will do without her. i would tell you all about her, but it would take awhile and i would mostly be describing the nice friendly comradeship that we have together.

3. tony (bar manager) has taught me how to carry about eight clean wine glasses in my left hand alone. and i bet i could get it up to ten or twelve. i have long fingers. i feel rather accomplished.

4. hayley and i are obsessed with chocolate. i think i would eat healthier if i didn't work everyday with an aussie who offers to buy cadbury chocolate bars for me when she goes out to get one for herself. i think i'll go on a sugar fast after she leaves for canada. still, better to be friends with a chocolate lover than with someone who is "meh" about chocolate.

5. i have discovered that i don't take it personally when i am yelled at by the chef, but i cannot stop myself from getting really mad and staying mad for about half an hour. hayley and dominique tell me to brush it off, but i am by nature someone who does not like to keep their mouth shut when yelled at. it's really hard for me to walk away without saying something cutting in reply.

6. the regulars are recognizing me now. and i recognize them. stewart and his wife veronica have told me all about the royal academy of music just down the road and about the events that i can attend there for free. one lady told me how dominique's dad (the old owner) sent her boxes of good food when she was in the hospital and how for two summers now her 17-year-old son has worked there under tony.

7. i eat such good food for lunch and dinner every day that i work. and sometimes when the chefs are bored they'll make desserts for me and hayley. i'm especially fond of the chocolate fondant. sooooo good. i am a lucky girl.

8. i'm learning alternative british restaurant vocabulary. it's not "silverware," it's "cutlery." and it's not "ketchup," it's "tomato sauce." i say "to-mah-toe" now instead of "to-may-toe." and i say "cheers" on the phone when someone makes a booking. some brits say "bye bye" when they end a phone conversation. i can't help but find that really funny every single time. :)

9. hayley and alberto think it's hilarious to try to freak me out with food. actually, usually what happens is that alberto (a chef) will try to scare hayley first, and then she'll come up to me and tell me that alberto needs to talk to me, at which point i will walk into the station and either have a whole eel wiggled in my face, or be offered a plate of crispy whole pig's ears. both of which totally surprised me. especially the eel. i bet it was kind of hilarious. :)

10. my favorite story - the other night a friend of two of the regulars, this big black man, was teasing me about something and hayley says to him, "have her sing something for you. she sings." he looks at me and asks, "sing something. what do you sing?" "everything" i reply, "what do you want me to sing?" "gershwin," he says promptly. so before i can think i start in on "it had to be you" (this was near closing, so the restaurant was pretty empty). and this man starts snapping his fingers to the beat and interjecting little jazzy vocalizations in this wonderful louis armstrong voice. it was so much fun. we stood there and sang "it had to be you" all the way to the end - me doing the melody and him singing along in this beautiful throaty made-for-jazz voice. when we finished everyone clapped and he left, but i seriously couldn't stop grinning the rest of the night. man! i miss singing! it was just the best part of my whole night and probably my whole week. surprises usually are. and musical surprises always are.

that's it. the end of a ridiculously long update. but i thought you might appreciate it. :)

shiney cows, yoghurt drops, fancy shoelaces

2008-10-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

this is how much i love oxford:

on my list of my 5 favorite places in the world, oxford is just below portland, tilikum, and the coast. i know. it's an intense love. sarah and i visited it this last sunday. we sat in a park and got away from the noise of london traffic. we laughed at the people trying to boat down the river and actually laughed until we cried about "shiney cows, yoghurt drops, fancy shoelaces" (yes, they're misspelled on purpose. or actually, we're spelling them right for once). if my anne-ish instincts are to be trusted, (read about patty's place if you don't know what i'm talking about) then oxford and i are not even close to being done with one another. i have a funny feeling about the place.

hello??

2008-10-02T09:45:00.000-07:00

i wanted to say, i know there are a fair few of you who read this, but sometimes i don't believe it.

so...could you comment? even just a quick, "LISA!! You're so beautiful and wonderful and I miss you like crazy." you know, something simple like that. you can even copy and paste that sentence and it will be that much simpler. the thing is, i just really like to hear from you all. and! it will encourage me to post more often. so see? everyone wins!

thanks friends. and family.

love, love, love.

breaking out the big black coat

2008-09-24T13:17:00.000-07:00

tonight i walked down to the internet cafe wearing my winter coat for the first time since getting here. i put things in my pockets so i wouldn't have to bring a purse, my hair was really clean (still is), i had on a really pretty scarf and i was listening to a couple of epic coldplay songs. it was glorious.

i couldn't just leave my blog where my last post left it. i realized that i said really nothing about how i'm doing. so, here you go.

i'm very alone and very aware of how alone i am. but it's not really a sad thing. i love walking down the street by myself with my music and my thoughts. right now, sarah and i doing a lot of tea drinking and writing to friends and winding down after three hectic weeks of screwing in knives with butter forks. we're processing all of the time. sarah says that three weeks of processing here is probably akin to four months of processing back home. i think it's true. it's so easy to see myself clearly when my comfort zone is half way around the world from me. it's hard to be that transparent with myself all of the time, but it's been good. honest and good. i'm learning a lot. there've been some issues on the back burner that are getting their day in sun now and while i don't always like dealing with them, it was time to do it. needless to say, my journal is quickly filling up. :) i do like to think. and to pray and write and serve people really good food and talk about where my accent is from and what i think about london. it's enough for now. soon i will try to do more things, but the quiet home-body lifestyle is exactly what i've been craving without knowing that i was craving it. :)

i miss books though. i didn't bring hardly any books and i feel like i left some of my dearest friends at home in boxes. it's not a nice feeling. but don't worry, i'll buy more and then leave them behind for some other wanderer to sink into.

i'm tired now. i need to go buy tape. and something else. i can't remember what it is right now, but maybe by the time i get to the store...

screwing in knives with butter forks

2008-09-24T06:17:00.000-07:00

so, two weeks ago today sarah and i trekked out to ikea and bought some essentials. you know, pillows, cutlery, that sort of thing. :) when we came home we discovered that the pots need some assembly. so sarah took it upon herself to figure out how to attach the handles to the pots. we really needed a screwdriver, but we discovered that if i held everything steady sarah could semi-tighten the screws with a butter knife. we were laughing and sarah was trying to exclaim about the ridiculousness of what she was doing, but she was too focused on the task and it came out as, "i'm just screwing in knives with butter forks!"

this phrase has since become synonymous with improvisation, getting by and figuring out life without the tools that we are used to having with us in a place that is not familiar. so, when you ask how i am, what i really want to tell you is, "i'm just screwing in knives with butter forks." and look! now i can.

sunday was a really good day. last week sarah and i went by the globe theatre and got £5 standing tickets to see "the merry wives of windsor" this sunday. standing tickets means that we were in the yard, the large expanse of ground all around the stage, and that we stood for the whole performance. but oh my goodness. it was so worth it. i mean, think about it! seeing shakespeare at the globe theatre!! the performances were phenomenal and the play was so funny. we had no idea what the story was about, which was actually really fun, because everything was a surprise. the two wives were hilarious. we liked them the best. oh man. what a delicious london moment. i'm sorry that i had to use the word delicious there, but i really did have to. i love theatre and i love good shakespeare and so of course i was just so happy. almost as happy as i was climbing a tree a couple of weeks ago. well, ok. it was a different kind of happy.

on the way back from the play, we ran into the most delightful tube surprise (i have no idea why the words delightful and delicious are working their way into this post, but i really can't help it). right next to us was this young couple who had two six-week-old husky puppies in a box at their feet. they were ridiculously cute. and the best thing is what they did to everyone on the tube who saw them. our train got delayed in this tunnel and while we were waiting people on the tube started behaving very oddly. this little 12 year old girl got up out of her seat to look over at the puppies and this man told his girlfriend to touch one. she asked if she could and once they let her, it was like free rein for everyone else who wanted to pet them, myself included. her boyfriend then got down by the box and started growling at one of the puppies and baby talking them. it was hilarious. he was telling this couple that they needed to name their dogs ancient names that no one had ever had before, and he started to predict what their personalities would be like. it was then that we learned that they were brothers and only six-weeks old. everyone in the near vicinity was watching this whole exchange with grins on their faces. who doesn't love puppies? especially two young husky puppies?? goodness sakes. i want a dog. so fuzzy... :) the couple got off the train and everything went back to normal. but we now knew that we were traveling with human beings.

i'll write about my job later. but for now i will say - i like it. i like the people: customers and staffers, and i like all the time for praying and processing that it gives me while i fold napkins during quiet times. and the wonderful food. that is a blessing.

there. you are updated on events. we have a kitchen table now. if you didn't know. here is a lovely, cluttered, tea-filled picture of it:

hint. hint. hint.

2008-09-16T02:50:00.001-07:00

we have a real address! but you can keep sending stuff to BUNAC if you want, which is probably safer, since the mail at our place is just stuffed through the door and then sorted into little ledges along the wall with the flat numbers over them. however, if you want us to see things sooner (we don't visit BUNAC that often) then here is our actual english address:

Lisa Gilham (or Sarah Reid)
139 Wandsworth Bridge Road, Flat 4
Fulham, London
SW6 2TT
United Kingdom

oops! it's a 2. thanks sarah!

i'm so in love with my music

2008-09-15T11:07:00.000-07:00

i wish you could see pictures of what our flat looked like on saturday night. we decided to do some laundry (as one does) and while all of our clothes were in the washer we tied long pieces of rope from one end of the flat to the other in order to have lines to line-dry our clothes on. the only thing is that we had to use all of the doorknobs in the flat as anchors for the yellow lines and as a result we couldn't open any of our cupboards or our wardrobe. whenever we needed to get something out, one person had to hold the line full of clothes off the floor while the other person attempted to slip the knots off of the doorknobs and grab whatever the thing was that they needed. then of course, getting from one side of the flat to the other became a maze that required us to crawl under our clothes whenever we needed to move more than five steps in any direction. it was absolutely ridiculous. :) i won't say what happened to sarah, but you would have laughed if you'dve been there.

i have a job! that's pretty important information, so i figured the time had come to let you all in on the happy secret. speaking of happy secrets and on a completely unrelated note - i have been seeing pregnant women everywhere! it's starting to weird me out. but seriously, i swear i've seen fifteen pregnant ladies in the past three days. - anyway, i got hired at Hardy's Restaurant and Wine Bar, which is the place i interviewed at and told you about a few posts ago. i wasn't sure about the hours and such, but i talked to the owner and i think i'll only have to work 2-3 nights a week, which is perfect. i had a trial shift this last tuesday and then she called me late tuesday night to say they'd like to hire me. i had my first shift last friday and i'm on the schedule fulltime this week starting tomorrow. it's a really good job and something i think that i'm going to be happy with. the place is nice (here's the website - http://www.hardysbrasserie.co.uk/) but pretty laid-back. i like everyone and i feel like i fit there.

it's funny - even though we'd had a flat for almost a week, it wasn't until i was going home from my shift on friday that i felt like i really lived in london. i think i needed that last piece of the puzzle to find its place before i knew that i was here. i'm here now. i live in london. i have a job and a flat and a grocery store. :) good things are happening.

back to saturday. sarah and i were looking forward to this weekend because it was our first real london weekend. we weren't flat hunting, or waiting to hear about jobs, or anything. so saturday morning we slept in and then found our way down to the river and went to the borough market. that place is magic. there are samples everywhere - cheese, olive oils, bread, fruit, meats. we each got some cheese and then a loaf of french bread and a bottle of wine and sarah got some pretty olives. she said they tasted great, but my mother brainwashed me as a child to dislike the taste of olives, so i just admired the colors (mom, i kid). for lunch we had the best fish and chips and ate them on little plastic stools in an out of the way alley.

so, as we were sitting in that little alleyway, eating our cod and chips and chatting, we started talking about how hard we already feel like it's going to be to leave. we've only been here about two weeks now, but we can feel that we've started to put down roots. i can feel myself falling into rhythms that i'm going to have difficulty falling out of at the end of our time here.

i do have to tell you that i climbed a tree on saturday. we went up to hampstead heath because i needed to smell grass instead of exhaust and cigarette smoke and there was this lovely, sprawling, curvy tree just waiting for me in this meadow. i kicked off my shoes and climbed around for awhile and felt something living under my fingers and watched the sky and smelled growing things again. i wonder if it's just growing up in portland, but i need green growing things around me. i need trees. and i need to be able to lean on them and smell them. it's very important for my soul.

so, that's my latest and greatest. the rest of the weekend was wonderful too. we cleaned the apartment, went to church, ate cheese and bread and jam for dinner on sunday and then spent the evening reading and drinking tea. if that doesn't sound like heaven to you, then imagine yourself doing your favorite activity, and think about that alive feeling you get while doing that thing and you'll know how happy we were to be in our own place with our own hot water for tea and our own blankets and books to keep us company.

thank you so much for reading this and caring about me and leaving comments. i love hearing from everyone. the world seems so small in those moments, doesn't it? thank goodness. :)

the godfather

2008-09-08T04:43:00.000-07:00

saturday was bad. sarah and i knew that realistically no one would get back to us on the day that we contacted them about letting their flats, but we were hoping. really hoping. hoping in that "i freaking need to get out of a hostel and hang up my clothes" kind of way. it was depressing, frustrating, scary and uncertain. the last one is by far my least favorite. i like certainty.

then, of course, we almost got scammed. because no one can go away to a big new city and not have one semi-frightening experience, right? but - we're smart. and we give ourselves time to evaluate things. and we trust our instincts. jude micheal was revealed to be our first london enemy and our money stayed safe and ready to go towards paying for a legitimate flat.

so saturday ended. we make a point of giving ourselves really good evenings every day, so the day ended on a happier note. evenings are good. evenings are me and sarah time. evenings are when we ride the top level of the bus in the very front seats. it's like disneyland and it's our happiest place.

sunday rolled around and i had a job interview (it went fine. i'm just not interested) and then sarah and i went to go meet with an actual landlord who actually lives in the city and who didn't want us to carry hundreds of pounds around on our person before agreeing the let the flat. crazy!

here's where it gets good. :) the landlord's son(?) showed us two places. the second was a little cheaper and we really liked it. it's teense, but nice. we talked over terms and everything was refreshingly upfront and so...truthful feeling. i can't describe it except to say that karli was praying for us to have that "this is so right" feeling. and we had it. so we walked across the street to the furniture store that the landlord owns and met him. he's an older man with a bald head and an army of minions. he whistles for his employees (his family?) and gets things done. he went through the lease with us right there and we all signed it. then, he got a cab for us to take back to our hostel and bring us back with our bags. oh don't worry, he says. it won't cost very much because his cousin owns a cab company just around the corner and he'll cut the price in half for his tenants! at this point sarah and i are starting to feel like we may have just entered the world of the london mafia. it's an oddly safe feeling - being on the in with the mob boss. which we think our landlord must be. the cousin cab driver took us back and forth with our bags and we moved in. fast, i know! meanwhile, the godfather (our nickname for our new landlord. i swear i'm going to forget his real name) had one of his employees clean up the place for us. we went and got the money for the deposit etc and when we got back he took our hands and said that we are like his daughters now. if we need anything, we should just let him know. to prove this point, he found out that we didn't have a fridge yet (they were going to give it to us the next day), whistled for sonny (guy who showed us the place) and told him to get us a fridge right now. he also said that old tenants have left some appliances and kitchen things and he's going to get them for us.

today they're installing our washing machine and getting us a little table and about three chairs. they're just, you know, bringing them over from the furniture store across the street. :) we asked about a mirror in the bathroom and sonny said, "done. i'll get it tomrrow." our hot water handle was broken on the sink - "we'll fix it tomorrow." it's a good place to be - in the family of the mafia. we like it. we have a great feeling about the godfather. he likes us and we like him. and if anything happens to us, he'll just whistle for one of his employees and they'll "take care of it," if you know what i mean. :)

cheesy but true ikea advert, "home is the most important place in the world."

to sum up: sarah and i have a flat. the bed has no bedding. we have no cleaning supplies. we have no utensils. we have no food. we have no hangers. but we have the beginnings of something called home.

i'm laughing

2008-09-05T09:04:00.000-07:00

because nothing is what you expect. and i love that.

i went to a job interview today at this classy little old place called Hardy's Wine Bar. I chatted with a lady named Dominique who told me about the place, what it was like, what they were hoping to do (sounds like they just re-opened and they're getting together a brand new team) and what my job would look like - hours, pay, etc. Honestly, it sounds perfect. I'm going in on Tuesday for a trial three-hour shift and then we'll see. But it didn't sound like a "we'll see," it sounded like a "you basically have this job." so....yay!

if you knew how blue my spirit was turning yesterday afternoon, you would know how radically different today is. i was in the middle of trying to track down this lady at a temp agency who wouldn't call me back, while sarah was running around getting offered two jobs in one day. i kept thinking about how i didn't even want a job like this. office work kills me. it is really hard for me to do. i was just about to cry when i decided instead to be sensible and go send off a few more resumes. i finally sent off my CV to this restaurant since it was one of the only things i'd originally seen that seemed interesting to me. i called a little later, she'd already received it and wanted me to come in for an interview!

i have another interview sunday as a receptionist at a restaurant (i think) and then on monday i'm registering at an agency that will try to find me office stuff. basically i'm just covering my bases. it is such a relief to have knowns filling in the unknowns.

things are looking up. i like it. i like where i am. i like what i'm doing. i like who am with. :) and soon i will feel even more settled when i can hang up my clothes. *sigh* just waiting. but happy waiting. i'm doing good.

a walk through the park

2008-09-03T12:31:00.000-07:00

was probably the best thing about today. sarah and i saw peter and everything fell into place. well, not everything. we are still jobless and essentially homeless, but peter is here and so are we.

hyde park is really beautiful. i love seeing people just moving, living and breathing here. because now we do too. it's nice. we also rode in the top level of a bus today.

in other news, our BUNAC orientation was this morning. lots of information was given and sarah and i are feeling good. really good. ridiculously intensely focused, but good. we're on the A train. there'll be no stopping us until we have jobs that will pay the bills and get us to some fun places. like edinburgh. we really want to go there.

ok. don't worry about me. oh! i also have a new phone number and a plan that allows me to call the states for only 2p a minute. so good!

how are you? i have nothing more to write about.

day one

2008-09-02T10:32:00.000-07:00

i'm tired.

but good. we found our hostel and we have our own room and we found internet (obviously).

we've already had a couple of minor traveling adventures, so...that's been fun.

my brain's off. i'll write more later.

it's always something.

2008-08-30T13:28:00.001-07:00

SKYPE. woohoo!

my username is lisa.gilham. i know. it's complicated. if you have a Skype account too then we can talk for free. what's not great about that??

www.Skype.com

guess what?

2008-08-27T17:38:00.000-07:00

BUNAC offers free pigeon hole service for its participants, which means that Sarah and i will have mailboxes in the BUNAC office. the address is:

Lisa Gilham

Incoming Programmes Dept.

BUNAC, 16 Bowling Green Lane

London EC1R 0QH

(that's a zero QH, not an O)

anyway.....i like mail.....

copy-cat

2008-08-26T16:01:00.001-07:00

but really only because she got there first, not because i hadn't been thinking about it.

sarah and i are flying away, and we're setting up "travel blogs" so our friends will know what we're doing and how we're handling it all.

so...i'm moving to london! but i want to keep in touch ("keep in touch" - what does that mean?) with my dear home friends. so - please comment, email, etc. i still need you. like always. my location is the only thing currently changing.